


sunflowers

by yellowmarshmallow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Fifth Year, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Sunflowers, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Tired Remus Lupin, full moon feels, jily, mentions of abuse, remus is oblivious and sirius is not trying to hide anything, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowmarshmallow/pseuds/yellowmarshmallow
Summary: Remus always feels worse around the full-moon, he's gotten used to it by now, but Sirius keeps on giving him sunflowers, so maybe good things do happen around the full-moon.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	sunflowers

Remus was curled up on his bed with the curtains partially drawn, exhausted as the full moon approached. Every inch of his body was filled with a dull, never ending ache. He was hyper-aware of all of his surroundings, noticing every sound, every smell, every flutter in his curtains as the rest of the Marauders came in and out of the dormitory to check on him. Normally, he could cope, normally it wasn’t this tiring, but sometimes (this month being one of those times), he wanted to do nothing but sleep.

He was thankful that his friends were understanding – more than understanding, they were wonderful; James would sneak into the kitchen to get more chocolate whilst Peter would talk about anything to get Remus’ mind off his transformation, and Sirius… Sirius helped Remus in more ways than he could count and Remus hated that he found himself hoping that this meant there was something more between them.

Sirius would squeeze himself onto the bed next to Remus and read stories to distract him. Remus would never admit it to his face, but Sirius was an amazing storyteller; he’d do all the voices (which never failed to make Remus laugh). James had teased when Sirius did this for the first time in third year but had immediately stopped when he got a death glare from Remus, who didn’t want Sirius to stop.

Then, in fourth year, Sirius began to give Remus sunflowers every full moon – lots and lots of sunflowers. Everywhere Remus would go, he’d find another sunflower, until his bedside was covered in them. He knew what Sirius was trying to do, because now, whenever the full moon drew ever closer, he found himself waiting for the first sunflower to appear, instead of wondering when he would begin to feel the dull ache in his bones. During this time, his heart would skip a beat at every fleck of yellow, every glimpse of something golden. Remus had even found himself mindlessly doodling sunflowers in lessons – if his thoughts drifted to Sirius that is.

He rolled over and looked up at the vase filled with sunflowers on his bedside table with a small smile tugging at his lips; he wondered how many girls wished they could receive flowers from Sirius. He knew Sirius wasn’t interested in dating, at least, that’s what he’d told Remus, but he found himself jealously when someone confessed to Sirius and made it look so easy.

As he was staring at the flowers, he heard the door click as it opened. “Hey Moony.” It was Sirius. “I come bearing gifts.” Remus smiled, despite being tired.

He pulled himself into a sitting position as Sirius pulled back one of the curtains. When Remus looked at Sirius, he saw his familiar grin and the familiar flowers. “Hey Siri,” he said with a weak smile, trying not to wince at the pain.

“Merlin Re, don’t push yourself,” Sirius said, his face suddenly full of concern.

Remus waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll be all right,” he said, seeing that Sirius didn’t believe a word he was saying. “Besides, you said you had gifts.”

Sirius grinned before bowing in an overly dramatic fashion. “Your flowers ma chérie,” he said, offering the sunflowers to Remus who rolled his eyes, taking the flowers.

“You know I don’t speak French Pads.” Remus smiled to himself, breathing in the smell of fresh sunflowers.

“Tu ne comprendras jamais combien je t’aime. Tu es la lune de mon étoile et tu seras toujours.” Remus didn’t know what Sirius was saying, but the tone of voice Sirius used made him blush.

Remus raised his eyebrows at the other boy. “What did I _just_ say?” he asked, failing not to laugh as Sirius tried, miserably, to sit on the end of the bed without making Remus shift his position.

“That I’m the most talented, amazing, handsome bloke you’ve ever have the pleasure of meeting,” Sirius said, before breaking into a grin as Remus rolled his eyes. “You know you love me Moons.”

“And Merlin knows why,” Remus muttered, smiling as Sirius gasped.

“Remus Bartholomew Lupin,” Sirius began.

“That’s not my middle name Pads.”

Sirius elected to ignored him. “You love me because I’m the one who brings you chocolate,” he said, a grin spreading across his face as Remus’ eyes lit up at the sight of chocolate. Sirius tossed him the bar of chocolate and Remus teared into the wrapper, breaking off a piece.

“I take it back, this is exactly why,” Remus said, putting another piece of chocolate in his mouth. “What did you say by the way?” asked Remus, watching as Sirius seemed to freeze for a moment before he spoke.

“It was just a passage from this book I read as a child,” he shrugged. Remus could tell he was lying but he didn’t have the energy to call him up on it. “Do you want me to read anything to you?” Sirius asked, his eyes scanning Remus’ face for a sign that he was in pain, although he didn’t need to look very hard.

“Not today,” he sighed, rubbing his temples as he felt a headache spreading through his skull. He groaned, making Sirius’ head snap up to look at Remus’. Without hesitation, Sirius moved to sit next to Remus, the two of them only just fitting on the bed, and enveloped the other boy in a hug, rubbing his thumb in soothing motions on Remus’ arm. “Sorry, headache,” he mumbled, trying to think of anything other than the blossoming pain in his head as his own voice resonated through his mind, making it worse.

“S’ok,” Sirius said softly, his voice having the same calming effect that the sunflowers did. “Do you want me to go?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Remus shook his head slowly, leaning his head atop Sirius’. “Stay,” was all he managed to say, the headache becoming just like the constant dull ache in the rest of his body – painful, nonetheless.

To Remus’ relief, Sirius didn’t reply verbally, he just hugged him a little tighter. The two boy’s didn’t fit together perfectly, in fact hugging in this position, on a bed barely big enough for one person, was rather uncomfortable, but Remus was in pain already and Sirius’ heart ached as he wished he could do more than give Remus chocolate and sunflowers. When his headache subsided, after what could have been minutes or hours (Remus didn’t care too much), he noticed that Sirius’ breathing had evened out – he was asleep. He lifted his head from the other’s slowly, so not to wake him and smiled as he saw Sirius’ face. It looked almost alien without his trademark grin, but he was just as stunningly beautiful. It was the kind of beauty that makes your heart ache as you realise that, not only can you never get close to looking like that, but the thought of dating you would never even cross their mind.

Remus sighed, closing his eyes, and leaning his head back against the headboard. In his mind, he saw a sunflower field and Sirius’ soft smile. He was certain this level of dependency was borderline unhealthy. When he opened his eyes, he saw Sirius’ flutter open too, blinking rapidly until he was awake.

“Hi there sleepy head,” Remus grinned as Sirius looked mortified.

“Shit, did I doze off?” Sirius asked, lifting his head off Remus’ shoulder to look up at Remus who nodded. “Sorry about that,” he chuckled, embarrassed.

“It’s all right, I wouldn’t have been much company anyway,” Remus assured, smiling at the other boy who looked relieved but also pained.

“But I was supposed to be here to comfort you,” he complained, frustrated with himself. Remus laughed at Sirius’ childish pouting.

“It’s fine Sirius, as I said, I wouldn’t have been good company.”

“But you’re always good company,” Sirius muttered, making Remus’ heart jump and his face flame up.

‘Merlin Sirius, you’re something,’ he thought to himself, shaking the feeling. He stared at the sunflowers just so he wasn’t staring at Sirius.

“Do you feel any better?” he asked, leaning into Remus again. Remus made a conscious effort to not move a muscle.

Remus nodded, his eyes flicking from the sunflowers back to Sirius. “Quite a bit actually,” he said, relieved. “Do you think – could you read me something?” Remus asked. It was an excuse to hear more of Sirius’ voice, but it was also something to distract him from the pain of the upcoming week.

“Of course, mon chou,” Sirius grinned. “Any requests?”

“Any you know off by heart,” Remus replied, not wanting either of them to move.

Sirius chuckled and began his story. It was one that Remus had heard many times before, one of his favourite stories that Sirius would tell him. However, he was sad he never got to hear the end, as he fell asleep halfway through.

\-----

When Remus woke up after the full moon, the first thing he noticed was that every inch of his body felt as if it was burning.

He knew his transformation was worse than usual when James jumped out of his seat, his face covered in worry. He knew it had been worse when he saw Peter try not to cry with joy that Remus was awake. He knew it had been worse when Sirius couldn’t look him in the eye without his mouth trembling. He knew it had been worse because there were no sunflowers.

“Moony!” he heard James exclaim as he blinked at the bright lights.

Remus opened his mouth to respond, his voice croaky. “Hullo,” he managed to say, before being pounced on my Sirius who gave him a hug.

“Merlin Re, you scared us – scared me,” Sirius said quietly, clinging to Remus who placed his arms around the boy.

“I’m not going anywhere Pads,” he soothed, wincing as Sirius clung tighter.

Sirius instantly let go. “Shit! Sorry Moons,” Sirius flinched as James whacked him around the back of the head.

“Let the bloke breath!” James chastised, turning to look at Remus. “How you feeling mate?”

Remus let out a dry laugh. “Fucking shite, if I’m honest.”

“I’m not surprised,” Peter noted. “You’ve been out for a day now.”

James now whacked Peter around the back of the head. “Way to break it too him Pete, really smooth.”

Peter lowered his head as Remus’ eyes widened. “What? I’ve been out for a day?” he asked, feeling the panic rise in his chest. “I need to – I – fuck,” he said, pushing himself into a sitting position, making his friends exchange worried glances. “Did I miss anything?”

“Besides, this one being a moody git,” James said, gesturing to Sirius who rolled his eyes. “Nothing much.”

“Well excuse me for being concerned for our friend,” Sirius scoffed making James chuckle.

“Definitely, definitely,” James smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Concerned for a _friend_ ,” he said, grinning as Sirius elbowed him to get him to shut up. Remus furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what that exchange was all about.

“You did start to growl if anyone tried to get you to leave his side,” Peter piped up, although, he didn’t appear to understand the exchange either, and was only making an observation.

Sirius went bright red as Remus let out a laugh.

“You growled?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his heart hammering in his chest; Sirius was protective of him.

Sirius somehow blushed a shade darker. “I didn’t _mean_ to,” he groaned, burying his head in his hands as James patted his back.

“I know mate, I know,” James chuckled. “Must be an animagi thing. I’ve noticed I have a sudden preference for salad,” he grinned.

Sirius groaned again.

It was then that Madam Pomfrey appeared with an array of potions for Remus to drink. “Lovely to see you’re awake my dear,” she smiled, handing Remus the first of the potions. “Drink up, it’ll help ease the empty feeling in your stomach until we can get you some food.” She turned back to his friends. “Now, it’s high time you three returned to class – _don’t_ argue with me Mr Black,” she said, resisting a smile as Sirius opened his mouth in protest. “Professor McGonagall said you were allowed to stay until Mr Lupin was awake, which he is. Now off you trot,” she said, making a shooing gesture with her hands.

The three stood to leave, rather unwillingly, calling out their goodbyes as they crossed the hospital wing.

“Au revoir chérie!” Sirius called, with an over enthusiastic wave. “I’ll let you know if Prongs make a fool of himself.”

“Oi!” James exclaimed. “ _I’ll_ let him know if I make a fool of myself thank you,” he retorted, a grin appearing on his face. “We’ll bring you some chocolate later Remus!” James promised.

“I’ll keep them in check Remus,” Peter added, with a sly smile. “As best I can anyway.”

Remus chuckled. “Thanks Pete. Just make sure they don’t get themselves killed.”

“All right, all right, now shoo!” Madam Pomfrey said, pushing the three Marauders out the door to the hospital wing. “And don’t come back until _after_ your lessons, any of you,” she added sternly, knowing the rundown of what they did by now.

“You got it,” James saluted as Sirius poked his head over Madam Pomfrey’s shoulder to send one last grin towards Remus before they left.

Remus turned his head and noticed that just before they had been ushered out by Madam Pomfrey, Sirius had conjured some sunflowers. He bit back a smile and chuckled to himself. “Damn you Sirius,” he muttered to himself. He had always assumed he knew what the flowers symbolised; why it was specifically _sunflowers_. He thought they represented that it would get better. That there will be a happier time without the pain of his transformation but now, he wondered. The same question repeated on his mind, ‘Why didn’t Sirius conjure sunflowers _before_ I woke up?’

Although, he didn’t have long to think by himself, as the Marauder’s began their secret visits to smuggle treats or just to say hello whilst he was in the infirmary. The three of them had walked past the infirmary and exclaimed, “oh _my_! What a _coincidence_! Let’s say hello, shall we?” so often that Madam Pomfrey had scolded the three of them, saying that if she heard, saw or so much as suspected that they were lurking around the infirmary, she wouldn’t let them see Remus later.

This didn’t stop Sirius though, who had borrowed James’ invisibility cloak with the sole purpose of conjuring as many sunflowers as possible. This didn’t go unnoticed by Madam Pomfrey, but as Sirius was undetectable, there was nothing she could do.

“Mr Black, I know you’re there,” Madam Pomfrey called out. Remus supressed a laugh as even more sunflowers appeared, making the nurse sigh. “I hope someone is taking notes in class for you Mr Black,” she sighed, returning to other matters.

Remus giggled as Sirius’ arm appeared from the cloak and tucked a smaller sunflower behind Remus’ ear. “Honestly Pads,” Remus grinned, the skin that Sirius’ fingertips had brushed tingling. “You do this _every_ time.”

“You’d miss me if I didn’t mon chére,” Sirius said quietly, removing the cloak. “Is she gone?”

Remus nodded. “For now,” he said, watching Sirius check they were alone.

“Classes are so _boring_ without you Re,” Sirius whined, sitting on the edge of the infirmary bed. “Slughorn just drones on and on and on. I miss your sarcastic remarks.”

“Good to know you miss my remarks more than me,” Remus grinned as Sirius chuckled.

“Sorry the truth came out this way Moony,” Sirius said solemnly. “I knew one day I’d have to tell you but,” he sniffled, “it wasn’t supposed to be like this.” He turned away, lifting a hand to his mouth as Remus rolled his eyes.

“I’m truly heart-broken,” he replied, his voice drenched in sarcasm.

Sirius grinned. “Are you feeling any better by the way?”

“Better than this morning yeah,” said Remus. “Still aching a bit, but no more than usual,” he shrugged, noticing Sirius frown as he spoke. “What?”

“I wish you didn’t ache at all.” Sirius spoke softly, each word warming Remus’ heart as he felt the backs of his eyes sting. “I wish I could _do_ something.”

“You do Siri,” Remus smiled, grabbing Sirius’ hand in his. “You make me laugh when I’d rather cry, and you tell me stories when I want distracting.” He looked into Sirius’ eyes. “You’re the one who gives me sunflowers,” he said, and Sirius went pink.

“Well – I want to – more than _flowers_ Re,” Sirius stressed, stumbling over his words, which Remus knew he only did when he was hiding something.

He raised his eyebrows at the dark-haired boy. “What do you mean?” he asked, hoping for Sirius to elaborate.

Sirius shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, looking anywhere other than at Remus, who felt a pinging in his chest as he realised this.

“Why do you get me sunflowers Sirius?” Remus asked softly, changing the conversation slightly and trying not to dwell on Sirius’ odd behaviour.

“To make you feel better?” Sirius said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Why _sunflowers_?” Remus asked again, making sure Sirius knew what he was really asking.

Sirius looked panicked for a split second before regaining his composure and smiling at Remus. “Do you know what they symbolise?” he asked, watching Remus with an amused look in his eye.

“Happiness, right? And the sun,” Remus replied. Sirius let out a laugh.

“The sun? Really Moons?” Sirius asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Remus shrugged. “I’m not wrong,” he said, a smile also pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Shaking his head, Sirius sighed with an exasperated smile. “You’re not but that’s not all they symbolise.”

Remus raised an eyebrow as Sirius began to fiddle with the sleeves of his robes. “Well…?” he encouraged, waiting for an answer to the question he’d been pondering all day.

“They’re supposed to represent long-lasting loyalty,” Sirius explained, before looking up at Remus. “And long-lasting adoration,” he said, without breaking eye contact with Remus.

Remus felt the heat rise in his face as he realised the implications of what Sirius just said. “What?” he squeaked, his voice an octave higher than usual.

Sirius looked Remus dead in the eye. “For Merlin’s sake Moony,” he muttered, leaning in closer to Remus who felt himself blush darker. “I adore you Remus, more than as a friend.”

His heart leapt to his throat and he felt his head spin. Remus stared blankly at Sirius, in a complete state of shock.

Sirius misinterpreted his reaction, leaning away. “I know you don’t feel the same way but – “

“ _I_ don’t feel the same way?” Remus interrupted; still unsure this conversation was actually happening. “Are you kidding? I thought _you_ didn’t feel the same way!” Remus exclaimed, pushing himself up to sit cross-legged in the bed, making sure the sunflower was still behind his ear.

“That I didn’t…” Sirius muttered before bursting into laughter. “Merlin Re, half the fucking school knows how I feel about you.”

“They do?” Remus asked in disbelief.

Sirius nodded. “I thought it was bloody obvious,” Sirius chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Not to me it wasn’t,” Remus said.

“Why else would I give you flowers?” Sirius asked, smirking as Remus looked away, embarrassed.

“Cause we’re friends?” Remus supplied, making Sirius shake his head.

“Who gives bouquets to their friends?” he giggled, making Remus shrug.

“I thought you did,” Remus said.

The two boys looked at each and burst into laughter at how oblivious the two of them had been. They laughed until their sides hurt and they felt lightheaded, but Remus didn’t care, he didn’t even feel the normal dull ache in his bones.

Sirius adored him; Sirius saw him as more than a friend.

“Can I – “ Remus began. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, blushing as Sirius grinned at him.

“I don’t know Moony, _can_ you?” Sirius teased, leaning towards Remus who rolled his eyes.

“You know, I don’t think I can,” Remus said, smirking as Sirius playfully glared at him. “Shame, because I’d quite like to.”

“It is, because I’d also quite like you to kiss me,” Sirius smirked, as he leaned in closer, their noses brushing.

Remus giggled at their close proximity and pressed their foreheads together. “If only I could,” Remus whispered with his eyes closed, his voice almost inaudible. He felt giddy being in this position with Sirius.

“Maybe we can figure out a way,” Sirius whispered back. Remus could hear the grin in his voice.

“Maybe we – “

Remus was interrupted by the presence of Sirius’ lips on his. He felt his body tense for a moment in shock, his head spinning at the thought that Sirius – Sirius – was kissing him. He felt alive, his lips tingling as he relaxed into the kiss. It was gentle but somewhat desperate, as if both had been wanting to do nothing but kiss each other for years. Remus’ could smell the sunflowers on Sirius and grinned as Sirius knocked the sunflower out from behind Remus’ ear as he went to run his hands through Remus’ hair. They both began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Well, fuck, that ruined the moment a bit,” Sirius joked, trying to control his laughter.

Remus shrugged with an air of nonchalance. “We’ll just have to try again,” he smirked as Sirius blushed.

“Remus Lupin!” he exclaimed with a gasp. “Are you suggesting a second kiss?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Was I that good?”

“I’m not sure,” Remus grinned. “That’s why we need to try again,” he said, making Sirius roll his eyes.

“If you want to kiss me that badly Moons, you only need to ask,” Sirius teased, this time making Remus roll his eyes.

“Oh sod off,” he said. Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Remus kissed him again.

This one was less desperate but just as gentle, because even though Remus wanted nothing more than to kiss Sirius again, and again, he was still in the hospital wing. However, it only made him want to kiss Sirius harder when he realised that Sirius didn’t want to hurt him. His lips still tingled at the presence of Sirius’ and his heart turned to mush as he felt Sirius’ fingers tangle themselves in his hair.

When they heard someone clear their throat, they jumped apart and Sirius scrambled off the bed into an awkward standing position next to Remus. Both of their faces were bright red. “Whilst I’m sure you’re helping Mr Lupin’s mental state Mr Black,” Madam Pomfrey said, her eyes darting between the two and her mouth twitching into a smile. Sirius grinned at her, rubbing his neck. “What he really needs is rest,” she said, folding her arms.

“Right indeed Poppy, as always,” Sirius said. “I’ll visit later mon amour,” he murmured softly to Remus, pressing lips to his forehead.

“You’d better,” Remus smiled back.

“Don’t miss me too much Re!” he called, running out of the hospital wing as Madam Pomfrey shook her head.

“You two will be the death of me,” she muttered, just loud enough for Remus to hear, making him chuckle.

\-----

After dinner, Remus sat cross-legged on his bed, biting his nails, anxiously waiting to see Sirius again. He tried to stop his thoughts from drifting to their kiss, but it was damn near impossible, especially because everywhere he looked, he saw a sunflower.

Once Sirius had left, he got bored rather quickly and after an hour, he realised there would be no more surprise visits until after class – no doubt they were worried Madam Pomfrey would take them up on her promise and ban them from seeing Remus. With no other way of entertaining himself, and not trusting his mind to not wander off in deep thought, he began to make a flower crown.

His mother had taught him how to make flower crowns when he was little, and he had begged to help her in the garden. He hadn’t made one in years.

It had taken him a few tries and he had just finished it, placing it on his head, when he heard his friends enter.

“Just, remind me to never get on her bad side,” James shivered, pulling up a chair next to Remus’ bed as Sirius sat opposite.

“You’re always on her bad side Prongs,” Peter said, sitting next to him.

“Thanks Pete,” James replied sarcastically.

“I’m only being honest!” Peter squeaked as James elbowed his arm.

What neither of them noticed was the interaction between Sirius and Remus that happened whilst they were arguing. The two boys spoke quietly to each other, waiting to see if the other two would catch on.

“I like the flower crown,” Sirius said softly with a grin. He outstretched his hand and tucked away a stray strand of hair. “I didn’t know you could make them.”

Remus shrugged with a smile. “I’ll show you sometime,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius’ hand before it reached his side.

“You’re adorable,” Sirius smirked, making Remus go pink as he looked at the werewolf like a lovesick puppy.

“And you’re a git,” Remus said.

“Well someone doesn’t seem to want a kiss,” Sirius chuckled. Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled with Sirius.

“So, what did I miss?” he asked, gesturing to the other two who were still continuing their conversation.

Sirius’ grin faded and he sighed. “Snivellus called Evans the M word.”

“Fucking hell,” he exclaimed, making everyone jump slightly.

“Language Mr Lupin!” Madam Pomfrey scolded, shaking her head at the group.

“I guess Pads just told you what happened?” James said, looking as though he wanted to commit a murder. “He did it in front of everyone as well!” James exclaimed. “And then tried to play it off as a mistake! Lily wasn’t having any of it. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

“As soon as I’m out of here, I’m going to kill the slimy git,” Remus said darkly.

“As much as I agree ma chérie, how about instead of that, we prank him,” Sirius said, knowing Remus meant what he said. “We can’t have you ending up in Azkaban.”

Remus sighed. “Sorry love, you’re right. But I’m defiantly going to hex him,” he replied, squeezing Sirius’ hand. “What did she do to him?” he asked, knowing fully well that Lily could fuck people up. “Did she hex him?”

The three exchanged amused looks before James said, “no, she decked him.”

Remus spluttered a surprised laugh. “Merlin, wish I could have seen that.”

“It was a sight indeed,” James smiled giddily.

“I think James wants Evans to punch him,” Sirius whispered to Remus, loud enough for everyone to hear.

James looked offended. “I absolutely do not Sirius, how dare you!” he exclaimed.

“To be fair mate, you’ve already said multiple times on the way over here that you fell for her even more when she did that,” Peter added, making everyone but James laugh.

“Because she punched Snivellus!” James exclaimed, trying to explain himself. “Hang on,” James looked at Remus, confused. “Since when have you called Sirius ‘love’?” he asked, a mischievous amusement in his eyes.

“Don’t change the subject from your masochism Prongs,” Remus smirked as James blushed pink.

“For Merlin’s sake I do not want Lily to punch me, if any of you say that one more time,” he warned, taking a deep breath. “And don’t you change the subject either!” he exclaimed, realising he’d been duped.

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “You didn’t tell them?”

Sirius smiled bashfully. “I wanted to wait for you, I didn’t know if you wanted to,” he said.

“Bullshit,” Remus grinned. “You wanted to make a grand reveal, didn’t you?”

“You know me so well chérie,” Sirius smirked, gazing into Remus’ eyes, making Remus smile and roll his eyes.

“Ok what am I missing here?” James asked, glancing between the two of them, still not catching on.

“Would you care to help me give Jamie here an explanation?” Sirius asked Remus, watching the other boy grin.

“I can do,” Remus nodded watching Sirius match his grin.

As soon as their lips touched, James started yelling.

“Holy shit! Holy shit! Finally!” he yelled, throwing his arms up in the air.

“Mr Potter!” Madam Pomfrey exclaimed. “You boy’s need to watch your language and your volume, this is a hospital wing.”

The boys smiled apologetically before simultaneously saying, “Sorry Poppy.”

“I’m surprised but congrats,” Peter said, smiling at the two boys.

“Surprised? Peter how have you not noticed their sad, longing, supposed to be secret but they’re both shit at being secret, looks at each other?” James asked in disbelief. Peter shrugged. “I’ve been trying to deal with the sexual tension for months now.”

Sirius and Remus both blushed at that comment.

“Oh man, this had better not be a joke, you’d better be fucking serious,” James said with a sigh.

Remus seized the opportunity before him. “That’s the plan,” he smirked as James looked completely mortified and Sirius went bright red and looked at Remus who shrugged at him, still smirking. Peter, bless him, didn’t understand the joke.

“Bloody hell Moony, that is not what I meant at all, I do not ever need to know or want to know – oh Merlin,” James rambled on, his eyes widening. “Argh! Not an image I wanted in my brain!” he exclaimed, making Remus burst into laughter and Sirius glared at James.

“Stop imagining my boyfriend naked,” Sirius scolded, reaching over the bed to flick James’ forehead.

“It’s not like I want to!” James insisted, hitting the side of his head with the palms of his hands. “It’s all Remus’ fault,” he said, sending a glare at Remus who feigned innocence.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said, raising his hands. “You’re the one thinking about it,” he grinned. Sirius tried to hold back his laughter as James seemed to only dig a deeper hole for himself.

“Not by choice!” he exclaimed, sounding more and more disturbed by the idea.

“Why are you imagining Remus naked?” Peter asked, wondering why on earth James’ mind was even close to that scenario.

“Our thoughts exactly Pete,” Sirius nodded, earning a glare from James. Remus glanced at Sirius and when their eyes met, they burst into a fit of giggles whilst James explained what was happening.

Once the two could breathe again, they saw a very red-faced Peter and a tired looking James. “Oh my,” said Peter, refusing to look at Remus and Sirius.

\-----

Sunflowers.

Everywhere he looked he saw sunflowers – and he _loved_ it.

During secret, midnight trips to the astronomy tower, where Sirius would teach him about the stars and pointed out his constellation. During early Quidditch practises when Remus would sit at the side just to see Sirius being Sirius – and to ‘secretly’ gawk at his boyfriend.

During every meal when Sirius would absentmindedly entwine his feet with Remus’.

During every full moon, when Sirius would make Remus a flower crown of sunflowers and Remus would refuse to take it off, despite taking days of persuading to even think about wearing it. Sirius would growl at anyone who’d glance sideways at Remus in a flower crown.

During every light kiss; during every early morning awakening; during every hum of a Beatles song; during every glance; during every touch; during every moment with Sirius.

The first time Remus felt he returned the favour was when Sirius had crawled into his bed in the middle of the night with a tear-stained face, clinging to Remus as if his life depended on it.

At first, Remus didn’t say a word, and enveloped the boy in a loving embrace, his only thoughts being on how to comfort him as he cried silently into Remus’ chest. He rubbed his hand in soothing motions on Sirius’ back, murmuring words of affection and adoration until his breathing slowed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus murmured, stroking the back of Sirius’ head.

Sirius hesitated for a moment before glancing at the beds of the other two Marauders. “Not here,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Remus thought for a moment. “The astronomy tower?” he asked, looking at Sirius for a response, and when Sirius nodded, Remus began to sit up, making sure to put an extra jumper on and to pass one to Sirius, who was always stealing them anyway.

Before they left the dormitory, they grabbed James’ cloak, knowing he wouldn’t mind them borrowing it, and headed to the tower.

Sirius was still holding onto Remus’ hand, as if letting go meant Remus would vanish. Remus couldn’t help but be concerned. Sirius had, had nightmares before, Sirius had crawled into Remus’ bed in the middle of the night before, but this seemed different.

The walk to the astronomy tower felt longer than usual, because both boys were racked up with nerves. Once they reached the top, Sirius took a deep breath and sat on the edge. Remus hated when he did this, but now wasn’t the time. He sat down besides Sirius, taking his hand in his own and waited for Sirius to speak.

“I – “ he began, looking straight into the distance. “Merlin Re, I can’t go back.” His voice was barely above a whisper and when it cracked, Remus felt his chest ache with pain for the boy he loved.

“To your parents?” Remus asked, knowing that his time in the Black Manor was, _unpleasant_.

Sirius nodded slowly, blinking furiously, as if that would stop him from crying. “It’s – it got – it’s getting worse Re, I don’t think I can – fuck – I know I won’t survive if I go back,” he said, choking back a sob.

Without hesitation, Remus pulled Sirius into a hug.

“They – fuck Re, it’s bad, so, so bad,” he muttered, crying into Remus’ shoulder.

“What happened?” Remus asked softly, not letting go.

“What hasn’t?” Sirius chuckled darkly. “The Galas, the gatherings. _You-Know-Who_ was in my parlour, how am I supposed to react to that? What can I do _against_ that? How can I protect _Reggie_ against that?” he took a breath. “My parents have never been the kindest of people,” he said, leaning away from Remus. “I’m used to the insults, the threats, the yelling, but over Christmas it got, worse,” Sirius said, cringing at the memory.

It was then that Remus realised what Sirius was saying. “Siri, did they – did they hit you?” he asked, trying to subside his own anger.

Sirius didn’t answer, instead he looked out at the horizon again, but this was enough of an answer for Remus. “Fuck, Pads!” Remus wanted to scream in anger, but at the frightened expression on Sirius’ face, he decided to hug Sirius instead. “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered, forcing himself to not cry – for Sirius’ sake.

“I provoked them, I know that doesn’t make it any better Re,” he added, seeing the anger flash across Remus’ face. “But I did, on the day before we came back from Christmas,” he said, his face scrunching up as he tried not to cry. “And I don’t know what’s going to happen when I go back, but I’m terrified.”

“You have us, me, Peter, James – you know he’d jump into a firepit to save a friend,” Remus said, making Sirius chuckle through his tears. Remus held onto him tighter. “You’re not alone, you will never be alone as long as I’m alive.”

This was when Sirius couldn’t hold his tears back any longer and he began to sob in Remus’ arms. Remus never, not even for a second, loosened his grip on Sirius as he cried, repeatedly kissing the top of his head.

After Sirius had exhausted himself, they sat there, wrapped in each-other’s arms. Sirius had fallen asleep and Remus didn’t intend on waking him up anytime soon. His thoughts flooding with concern and worry, he knew exactly what to do.

Taking out his wand, careful not to nudge Sirius awake, he conjured up a sunflower. He had been practising the spell for months, wanting to let Sirius know that he cared for him as much as Sirius cared for him.

It was then that Sirius woke up, blinking groggily. “Hi love,” Remus said. “Sorry if I woke you.”

Sirius smiled softly up at Remus. “You didn’t,” he said, shifting his potions slightly to fit, more comfortably, into Remus’ chest. “Is that a sunflower?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the flower, which Remus was now holding.

He held it in front of Sirius.

“For you, love.”

Sirius stared at it for a moment, in what Remus knew was disbelief, before gently plucking it out of Remus’ grasp and clutching it to his chest. “Thank you,” he breathed. “thank you mon chéri, c’est magnifique,” he whispered, brushing his lips on Remus’ cheek. He blushed.

“Anytime love,” Remus smiled back.

It was then that he knew for certain two things.

They both loved sunflowers as much as they loved each other. And eventually, everything would be all right, because they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> translations
> 
> ma chérie - my dearest  
> tu ne comprendras jamais combien je t’aime. tu es la lune de mon étoile et tu seras toujours - you will never understand how much i love you. you are the moon to my star and you always will be  
> mon chou - sweetie (direct translation is my cabbage)  
> au revoir chérie - goodbye, dear  
> mon chére - my dear  
> mon amour - my love  
> mon chéri - honey  
> c’est magnifique - it's magnificent


End file.
